Introduction to “Don’t Make Assumptions”
The phrase “Don’t Make Assumptions” is a principle advocating for clear, honest communication and self-awareness. It encourages individuals to seek clarity through questions rather than relying on unverified beliefs about people, situations, or outcomes. At its core, this mindset promotes emotional intelligence, reduces conflict, and fosters healthier relationships by challenging the tendency to interpret events through personal biases.
Origin in The Four Agreements
“Don’t Make Assumptions” is the third of The Four Agreements, a set of personal development principles introduced by author don Miguel Ruiz in his 1997 book The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom. According to Ruiz, making assumptions stems from our need to explain the world without sufficient information. He emphasizes that asking questions courageously and communicating openly prevents misunderstandings and emotional suffering.
“Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.”
Why We Make Assumptions
Humans naturally make assumptions as a cognitive shortcut to process information quickly. Our brains rely on past experiences, cultural conditioning, and subconscious beliefs to fill gaps in knowledge. As noted in the search results, we often assume others perceive the world as we do, leading to flawed interpretations.
For example:
- Assuming someone ignored you because they dislike you, when they may not have seen you.
- Believing a colleague understands your expectations without explicit discussion.
These mental shortcuts were evolutionarily useful but can be detrimental in complex social interactions.
Consequences of Making Assumptions
Making assumptions frequently leads to:
- Miscommunication and conflict in relationships
- Unnecessary drama, as described in The Four Agreements
- Damaged trust and emotional pain
- Poor decision-making in professional and personal contexts
As one source states: “We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.” This cycle reinforces negative emotions and can poison relationships over time.
How to Stop Making Assumptions
To break the habit of assumption-making:
- Ask questions when uncertain.
- Seek clarification instead of interpreting silence or behavior.
- Practice active listening without preparing a response.
- Challenge your biases and recognize subjective viewpoints.
- Communicate your needs clearly, rather than expecting others to “just know.”
As emphasized in multiple sources, open and honest communication replaces speculation with truth, reducing conflict and building trust.
“Speak openly and honestly. When you do, you won’t have to make assumptions.” – Peg Fitzpatrick
Alternative Perspectives: When Assumptions May Be Useful
While generally cautioned against, some argue that assumptions are inevitable and sometimes functional. In routine tasks—like assuming your car will start or your legs will carry you—assumptions allow efficient functioning. The key distinction lies in verifying high-stakes assumptions, especially those involving people.
One Reddit discussion notes: “It is natural to make assumptions, as you said it is a survival instinct.” However, the advice shifts to questioning assumptions before acting on them, particularly in interpersonal matters.
Practical Applications in Daily Life
Applying “Don’t Make Assumptions” improves various areas:
- Workplace: Clarify project expectations instead of guessing.
- Relationships: Ask partners about their feelings rather than interpreting moods.
- Parenting: Inquire why a child acted a certain way before reacting.
- Healthcare: Patients should ask doctors questions instead of assuming diagnoses.
As advised in The Mining Journal article: Always ask questions when something is unclear—especially in important conversations